The Smart Couple's Guide to the Wedding of Your Dreams by Judith Sherven

Author:Judith Sherven
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781577318057
Publisher: New World Library

Your Productive Money Discussions

You might be tempted to avoid money discussions and financial planning, afraid that you’ll open up a can of worms, upset the apple cart, scare your partner, or get in a lather over nothing. Yet you’re far better off tackling financial matters and money-related issues now rather than later, when you might have built up a poor track record, to say nothing of resentments.

Talking about money can be more intimate than having sex, and when you observe the following guidelines, you will emerge from your conversations feeling far more connected and safe with each other. Remember throughout this process that you love each other and that you need to feel financially safe in your relationship.

Review the “Learning to Live in Financial Truth” questions above.

Answer each question in turn so that neither of you has to lead or follow all the time.

Do not criticize or make fun of your partner’s answers — no matter how odd they might seem to you.

Ask questions about your partner’s answers if you need further clarification, but do not belittle your partner or express contempt in any way.

Keep track of those issues which you automatically agree upon (or nearly agree) and those that reveal challenging differences.

Now return to the topics which you differed upon. These need further exploration so that you can reconcile them to both of your satisfaction.

For each such issue, take turns explaining — from the deepest level of your fears, concerns, family histories, and desires — the emotional reasons that you feel the way you do. There can be no debate about these explanations because you are expressing feelings, not facts. Practice respecting each other’s point of view. Some of your disagreements might be resolved simply by understanding each other more intimately.

Now, for each unresolved issue, you can both offer ideas that you’ve not previously considered but would satisfy your needs. Nothing is too wild, too extreme, or too petty. But don’t attack your lover’s suggestions.

Keep this loving, creative think tank going until you find a resolution for each issue. And, if this takes more than one conversation, that’s not a problem unless one or both of you is off track — determined to have it your way and only your way. If that’s the case, beware. You are no longer in a relationship of two; you’re only in a relationship with yourself.

Celebrate yourselves! You are the authors of a unique, thoughtfully considered financial agreement, whether you now take it to an attorney or stick it on the refrigerator with a magnet. Either way, you have taken your love seriously, and that’s a serious success.

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